dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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