I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
