Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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