Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
