Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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