I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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