Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
