they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
