you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
