I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
