Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
