that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
