omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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