I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
