so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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