eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
