im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
