he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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