This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
