theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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