Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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