I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
