I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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