if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
