No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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