sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
