I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
