its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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