Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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