The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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