I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
