Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
