My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
