Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
