dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
