Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
