Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
