I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
