Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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