I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
