White coat. Heels.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
