the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
