I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
