walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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