I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
