He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
