i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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