I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
