He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
