a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
