You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
