the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
